The following poem was published the year after my prize-winning essay, in the Kearns High Literary Magazine. I didn't win anything for this one. Not even respect. I recall a lunch period when this poem was being passed around the group to read, and one person said, "This is the stupidest thing I've ever read!" Enjoy!
One Beer, Two Beer, Red Beer, Lite Beer
The big sot takes a swig of shot,
The fat drunk smells like cats and skunks.
How smooth is the beer? Here,
Drink it down! Turn that frown upside-down.
For only two bucks more you'll get beer galore.
Another half-quart; your liver is constructing a fort
From all that alcohol you drink. I think my pink
Skin is turning bright red, becoming quite dead.
"You are what you eat," they say. Don't be discreet.
That red barley is making me see
Things funny. I see dark replacing the sunny
Skies. My eyes! They burn like railroad ties
Being formed from hot iron. My wallet is not
Empty of money. One more round for me and my honey.
I call her Pooh-Bear; her hair is so soft! I love to stare.
She's almost as sweet as my brew. Hey, you!
With that case of Duff, bring it here. I can't get enough!
It cools my throat. Recently I've been as sick as a goat
That's had too much mash at that loud party bash.
The beer is so fine, just like red wine
At the Red Lion Hotel. I'm so high flyin'
'Cause I'm as drunk as a skunk in a bunk
At the barracks. This bar is so far
From the real life. Oh, dear! My wife is here.
