Saddled With A Lotto Problems

Every week I go down to the local Cash & Carry to purchase one lottery ticket. The game I usually play is called "Cashole," which has an expletive sounding name, but the game is so called simply to convey the idea that if one were to win the jackpot he would win so much money that he'd have to dig a very big hole in his backyard for some reason.

My numbers are always 6-16-27-34-52 and 20 for the "Domination Ball". (I guess the state lottery association thought that "Powerball" was trite, but "Domination Ball" just doesn't have the same ring to it.) I chose these particular numbers because they have personal meanings of luck.

-6: There were Twelve Apostles. We all know that in any given situation a person has a 50/50 shot of being successful, whether it's flipping a coin for tails, shooting foul shots, or opening the mail. Therefore, there were six lucky apostles and six unlucky ones. I'm going with the six lucky ones.

-16: When I was sixteen years old, during a freak winter storm, the roof of some house a few miles away caved in from the weight of the snow. That was where Lyman Thornocker lived. I knew who he was as we had electronics class together, but I don't think he knew me. However, if I had been a friendly boy growing up, and if I had ever talked to him, and if Lyman had provided the standard North American salutatory retort, we may have become buddies, and I could have been at his house that night, and I could have been injured or at least slightly traumatized, so I feel very lucky that I never spoke to Lyman Thornocker when I was sixteen.

-27: There are twenty-seven days in June and we all know that June is the lucky month.

-34: I was once clipping down a residential street at 48 miles per hour, and got nabbed by a cop. Fortunately, just before the officer clocked my speed, I had slowed down to swerve away from what I thought was a pile of nails in the street. The officer clocked me at only 34. Since that is less than ten over the limit, I got hit with a less severe penalty. I was very fortunate there was a big pile of nails (or a mirage of one) in the middle of the street that night.

-52: 1952 was the year that Great-Grandpa Tarsus won the lottery. (Or maybe it was the year he choked on a turkey bone.) I'm chancing that he won the lottery that year - a lucky year.

Now, for the "Domination Ball", I chose 20 because the prize money is paid out in twenty installments.

The jackpot is up to $3.2 million. Wow! Think on what I could do with all that! Actually, don't think on it, as it will only frustrate you that I won and you didn't. I think with the first installment, I would pay my taxes, donate some old clothes to the Goodwill, rent a backhoe, and dig a big hole in my backyard.